They are one of Hollywood’s popular closet couples. Cassie Aventura and P Diddy have been spotted cavorting on private yachts, attending movie and music premieres together and simply spending good old-fashioned quality time together. However, the two are yet to admit they are an item.
Aventura (25) burst onto the scene in 2006 with the hit single Me & You. She signed to Diddy’s Bad Boy label shortly thereafter and according to gossip sites, a four-year romance begun. Diddy (42) has been quite candid about his love life. He dated Jennifer Lopez in 2000 and split with her because he was still in love with the mother of his three children, model Kim Porter. He also had a love child with Sarah Chapman and was recently pictured courting Cameron Diaz. Through all Diddy’s relationship exploits, Aventura has remained by his side and preferred to remain mum on their union.
Many of us also battle when the men we date refuse to define our relationships. We speak to relationship coach Savannah Steinberg about the intricacies of this star couple’s unclaimed relationship and how to handle such a situation.
Is it possible to force a man to commit to your relationship publicly?
My initial response would be no, if you have to force your man to commit to your relationship publicly, what does that say about your relationship?
It all comes down to your values and what you stand for. I would not want to force or beg my man to commit to me publically. Either he is committed or he is not and I would make a choice to accept that or not. I would want that if my man loves and cares for me enough, he is proud to acknowledge me in public.
The core beliefs that run many of us unconsciously are something like “I am not good enough, I am not worthy, I do not deserve, I am unlovable." The way the beliefs work, is what you believe to be true about yourself you must get proved right about. In this way your beliefs get affirmed and this is all unconscious and a reason we get trapped by negative situations we can’t break free from.
What can women do to remove themselves from such a situation?
For most of us, this would be a very disempowering situation to be in and often it can have a crippling effect on our self-esteem and self-worth, which is often the cause that we end up staying, as we feel we will not get better elsewhere anyway. There is a very powerful book I highly recommend here which speaks into this, it is called Power and Control: Why Charming Men Make Dangerous Lovers (Vermilion) by Sandra Horley.
If you do not have the freedom to leave, the first and most important step is to acknowledge this. As long as we cannot acknowledge to ourselves we are in denial and delusion or hopium (the drug called hope) that things will change and get better, things will stay the same.
When we have the courage to acknowledge, it is probably best to share what you see with your close friends and family so you are not alone and can draw on them to support you in deciding on the next steps, which may be to see a therapist who specialises in relationships.
Who can they turn to for support?
I highly recommend seeing someone professional to get you through this transition, or to help you build up the courage to leave, or to help you maintain your strength and power if you choose to stay.
What impact does this have on self-esteem?
A huge impact and what I have seen is the longer you are in these destructive and abusive relationships, the longer it takes to heal and recover afterwards.
In order to stay in something like this, you end up so manipulated that you can lose touch with what is right or wrong and with all of this you need to numb yourself so you disconnect and this often gets us into many negative and destructive substitutes to feel alive again.
Does this impact on future romantic relationships?
The impact on future relationships is you bringing the pain and the woundedness from this relationship into the next, when in the past you may have given your all you now don’t. It may even cause you to not want to get into a new relationship at all. When you have been in a relationship that is all on his terms, what we see in the above example is he is getting everything he wants, no commitment, free sex, freedom to mess around with whoever he wants.
I know many couples where there are double standards. There are many woman who would not be OK with it and if this is the case, it is nothing personal, then he is simply not the right choice for you and the sooner you can leave and get into a relationship that is in alignment with your values, the better.
Sources: www.hollyscoop.com, www.dailymail.co.uk