The danger of secrets

Holding onto secrets can initiate an emotionally induced stress response when they are associated with any form of fear, guilt, shame, internal conflict or other imbalanced emotions

Every conscious decision and action you’ll ever make will be based upon what you believe in that moment will provide you with the greatest advantage over disadvantage, greatest reward over risk, and greatest benefit over drawback.

So if you are holding onto a secret, it is partly because you’re assuming there will be more advantages than disadvantages, more rewards than risks and so on to keeping that secret. Although in reality there are ultimately just as many drawbacks as benefits to holding that secret.

The disadvantages of keeping the secret can become in some circumstances the very internally conflicting, disempowered state you may begin to feel and have to sustain. This can contribute to you feeling ever greater degrees of inner turmoil while you keep holding onto the secret.

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You may not easily transcend that internally conflicted state and may become caught in a progressively elevating degree of distress. So by holding onto the secret you may hold yourself and others back from living with the clear consciousness-inducing truth. And as Freud and most psychologists would agree, repressing information because of fear or internal conflict can create a neurosis and psychosis that can actually result in symptoms.

So you may just pay a price. These psychological and physiological symptoms are actually feedback mechanisms to get you to finally let the secret out, to speak up – to dissolve the internal conflict. In fact, sharing the secret may just have just as many benefits as keeping it.

Let’s take the analogy of two people who are in a relationship. If either of them is not feeling fulfilled, they may turn to another person who is giving them praise or attention and consider secretly investigating the possibility of a new relationship with that person.

If after a bit of investigation they decide this new relationship is not worth pursuing, they may just remain in their existing relationship until another potential mate emerges. But if they think the new relationship has potential for something more, they may secretly have their affair for a period of time until they are convinced that the new relationship is viable or not. They will then start to share their stored up anger or frustrations and create further clashes with their existing partner to justify their departure from that relationship.