Relationship ‘mistakes’ you can’t forgive…and that’s okay

We spoke to four ladies about the things they could never forgive in a relationship

There’s no doubt that relationships need compromise and granted no one is perfect. But there are things people do that you just can’t forgive – and maybe you shouldn’t.

Four ladies share their deal-breakers:

  • Emotional cheating

More often than not, we think when a partner physically cheats it’s the ultimate betrayal but Lerato Sidibe believes emotional cheating carries the same weight. “Communication is fundamental in any relationship, if he’s confiding in someone else and sharing details about his life he should be telling me, then I need to question whether we really are in a relationship,” she says.

Siza Madlala shares the same sentiment. Madlala explains that a partner that has an ‘affair of the heart’ will eventually drift away from you. “If he’s emotionally connected to someone else, it can create a rift between us, she says.

“Also I believe that at some stage, the emotional connection he has with someone else will eventually develop into physical intimacy.”

  • A partner who is physically abusive

Without sounding judgemental, but gender based violence is a no-no. Ellen Potela admits that it’s easy to say you would never forgive someone for something until it actually happens to you. However, she maintains that she would never tolerate domestic violence. “I would never forgive someone who would physically abuse me because I believe that if he can do it once, he’ll do it again,” she says.

Potela also believes that abusive men never change. “It’s a bigger and deeper issue that I believe stems from childhood issues or whatever the case may be, so it really has nothing to do with me,” she says. “I really wouldn’t never be able to handle it,” she says.

Khanya Ntambo says even the impulse to get physical is a red flag. “That’s how it starts. So often we ignore the signs but they’re always there, she says. I would leave even if he’s pushed or slapped me, because next he’ll strangle and kill me.”

READ MORE: Dealing with an insecure partner

  • Impregnating someone else

Sesona Lali says impregnating someone else is the ultimate betrayal. She says it’s even worse if you have been with the person for a long time and shared your intention and wish to one day be a mother, then your partner impregnates another woman. “It’s a cardinal sin. You can’t give someone else a child while you’re with me,” she says.

Lali says it’s also a sign of reckless behaviour. “It’s bad enough that you’re having sex outside our union but the fact that you didn’t respect yourself and me enough to is a no-no for me,” she says.

Sidibe agrees and feels it’s revealing of how someone values and respects you as a human being.

READ MORE: Things you should never do to keep a man

  • Physically cheating

The notion that all men cheat still doesn’t sit well with some ladies. Sidibe says she wouldn’t forgive infidelity especially because of her character and personality.

“I know myself, I don’t generally forgive easily so I wouldn’t be able to stay. If I were to stay, it would be until I find a way to hurt him as well,” she says.

She further explains that when the tables are turned, he would never forgive you. “Men will never forgive you for cheating, she says. Once he finds out, it’s game over,” she says.

Lali adds that she’s a fundamentalist and values honesty, loyalty and principles. “I don’t believe that all men cheat, and if mine were to cheat, I would immediately end the relationship,” she says.

  • Someone who can’t apologise when they are wrong

Ntambo says she would not be able to be with a partner that can’t swallow his pride and apologise when he has done her wrong. “It basically means that you put yourself first, you’re selfish and have a tremendous ego – something I just cannot stand,” she says.

“Also, it’s a controlling thing. It means that no matter how I feel about an issue, it will never be important enough to you because you’re just that controlling,” she says.