The past isn’t always left in the past when it comes to previous relationships. Find out how former flames can affect your new relationship.
According to recent Canadian research, staying friends with an ex could not only prevent you from developing new relationships but it could “damage the foundation” of any new bonds you may form.
Psychologist and relationships expert Anna Hudson says mulling over your past relationships is a sure-fire way to put off potential love interests, while staying friends with your ex could "rot your new relationship from the core”.
Hudson says it’s important to analyse why you wish to keep your ex in the picture. “If the relationship ended on a positive note, you may be inclined to think that given a second chance it could work, which often leads you to romanticising your previous relationship which will, ultimately, affect any new relationships negatively.”
She adds that very few men will be comfortable with their girlfriends being buddy-buddy with their exes, as it’s just a reminder of the intimacy you shared with that person. The survey further indicates that thoughts of an ex often decrease the quality of new relationships, and problems in the relationship lead you to think of your ex more positively.
Hudson recommends contemplating the following factors when attempting to stay friends with an ex:
Sometimes it’s important to remind yourself why your ex is, after all, your ex. If they treated you badly when you were together, they are likely to make poor friends too. “Sometimes, it is better to let go of the past, to truly move forward,” says Hudson.