Anele Mdoda

Listen to open your mind

Thu, 08 Apr 2010 08:27:56 GMT

The one thing that stands out for me in Barack Obama’s speech when he won the presidential election was when he said: “I will listen to you, especially when we disagree.”

It truly was the first time I went back to all my biggest fallouts with friends, colleagues and family and it clicked to me that we were just not listening to each other.

The reason I bring this up is because this past weekend I was in the Eastern Cape for a wedding and, naturally, I met up with the family and had a reminisce session. My aunts never forget to bring up the day I made a complete and utter fool of myself in class. It had become tradition when it was someone’s birthday for a classmate to stand up and say little something on behalf of the class.

Now let me paint the picture quickly – this was in Grade 3 and the schools were just in the phase of integrating the black kids into white schools, so there were not many blacks and as the saying goes, strength comes in numbers so naturally the black kids, all six of us, always sat together.

On this particular day I was feeling rather militant because on several occasions before, where it had been someone’s birthday, this word had bugged me every single time it was used: behalf.

To me, a white kid was standing up and saying on behalf, all I held onto was the half, why HALF of the class, what is wrong with the other half and I bet you we (being the blacks) fall under that half that is not included in the well wishes for the kid who came with the cake.

I marched up to Mrs Montieth and aired my grievances on behalf (now that I know) of the half that was being left out. Let’s just say ten minutes later, still a little confused, I walked back to my desk and just accepted it much like the silent b in “doubt” (if it is silent, why have it there?)

My point is I was just angry at what I thought was happening and when the communication lines were used, all was settled and Mrs Montieth saved me a lifetime of embarrassment.

I doubt this needs a final thought, I am sure you pretty much get what I am saying. If not, you are not reading, which is as bad as not listening and trust me, you want to listen.

Alter Ego

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 06:18:17 GMT

Okay so its no secret that I am a Beyonce fan, Stan, stalker, stalkerhantas whatever it is that you want to call me, I really have heard them all, so it will come as no surprise that I have had this write up in my head for a good two years now, it’s a good thing I waited now I can comment more widely on alter egos.

I was always of the thought that an alter ego is someone that you channel from within you, like a split personality only not, as I assume you have control over when and where your alter ego comes out and with a spilt personality, its more of a medical problem.

Everyone has an alter ego, it may not come in the form of another personality, but you have that one thing in your wardrobe that as soon as you don it, your whole personality changes. I have fashion fundi of a friend Tumelo and to walk into Nine West for us is quite risky I never know which Tumelo is going to come out but what I know for certain is that it won’t be the Tumelo that I spend most of my time with.

See if I had to ask Tumelo who her alter ego is , she would say she does not have one , if I had to ask her what her alter ego is , her answer would remain the same , but us who know her know better , bags and shoes are it !

She was the one who said that a good bag is like having a boob job , hence she buys so many bags because for her AA is not a service to help with a breakdown nor a help group for alcohol demons.

So you not sold as you not into shoes or bags well I am sure you know someone who has a personality surgery as soon as they step into their car. Let me stop pointing fingers and share something about me, I have an alter ego it’s not a car, dress (although I have a number that almost cracks the nod) a hairstyle no, it’s a certain friend who will be called Red for the purpose of this exercise. Red and I do not see each other a lot but every time we meet up things just get out of hand, it’s like we are each others start button, with no stop button in sight.

Hence we do not see each other that much , Red and I know who we are separately , but , we know exactly who and what we become combined, one lethal combination so we see each other on special occasions just to keep our ’ peace ‘

My point here is that the next time someone asks about your alter ego , before you answer ,think about how you react when you hear your ultimate song , wear your insane dress , walk in your 3 inch heels , put on your teams jersey or even answer that persons call , that we all have somewhere we escape to , the key is to bring that person to dinner a bit more often , that side of you that is for special occasions , like your LBD ( Little Black Dress )

The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes of mind- William James

When you lose in life, don’t lose the lesson

Wed, 29 Apr 2009 06:37:57 GMT

2009 dealt my family and I a huge blow; my mother passed away after a long illness. Yes it is true, the fact that we knew she was sick did not make it any better. The moment my dad said umama usi shiyile (mama has left us) also didn’t soften the blow because we had spent the better part of last year in and out of hospitals. I could see everyone crying but, man, the silence was deafening; it was so quiet you could hear a mouse wee on cotton wool.

One of the items I took from my mom’s belongings was the phone she was using because (a) as usual, my phone was either lost or broken, and (b) I cannot explain how comforting it was to hear the phone ring. I didn’t change the ring tone, although we (my sisters and I, come to think of it, even my dad) begged her for yonks to change it – it was plain annoying! – but now that same annoying tone is what brought me comfort.

A month after my mom passed away, the phone was stolen off the table during a dinner with close friends. I cried for two hours in my car that night and could not be comforted at all. The next day, I woke up and gave myself one hell of a talking to. See, if you had to ask my friends what I’m always stressing to them, they would roll their eyes and say that I am always preaching that you cannot rely on anything or anyone to make you happy, as material things can be taken away and people come and go. In life, no one was put on earth to keep you happy. It’s up to you. That night, I forgot my own lesson number one. I gave away control of my happiness to a phone. A PHONE!!!

Stupid right? Finding happiness with yourself is not easy. For many, it takes a lifetime. It`s tough, but after that night, I realised it’s tougher to get over the loss of the one thing that you based your happiness on when it’s taken away, so from now on, the smart money is really on me. I like the way this thing called life goes; constantly testing your greatest belief. So now that I have learnt the lesson I’ve been teaching, I am glad to say I like where I am now. It’s a happier place, the Anele place, I make me happy FULL STOP .

Oh, and before I forget, make sure you come through to Sandton City on 23 and 24 May, as we all celebrate our naturally glowing skin with Vaseline. DESTINY editor Khanyi Dhlomo will be there too – see, the deal just got better hey? But no hard feelings.

Celebrate your skin with Vaseline!

Thu, 16 Apr 2009 11:03:09 GMT

So I am part of the Celebrate Naturally Glowing Skin campaign, with Vaseline and Destiny Magazine. When I was first approached to do this, I thought to myself: "Really? Have these people seen my skin?" Look, it's not terrible, not on any level, but it doesn't resemble Beyonce's, Naomi's or Geri Rantseli Elsdon's, so my first thought was that perhaps Vaseline should have approached these ladies. But they didn't - they asked me!

I wasn't going down without an attempt, though, so I started moisturising more and did Bikram yoga because I heard it does wonders for your skin. I am a huge water-drinker anyway, so that wasn't a big thing to change. The most important thing for me was sleeping more -- I'm an insomniac and really struggle to sleep, but as I started implementing all these beneficial changes, sleep came naturally, so did my natural glow.

I also realised that the glow did not come because of the changes I made, but because the changes made me happy, so the first thing you need to do to find your inner glow is to find what makes you happy and do it! I figure if listening to your favourite CD 10 times a day makes you happy, then you will glow.

I can't wait to hear all the testimonials about your skin, even if you and your skin are not on talking terms right now, that does happen -- I still have the tan from cycling The Argus!

All Love,
Anele