We begin to find and become ourselves when we notice how we are already found, already truly, entirely, wildly, messily, marvelously who we were born to be. The only problem is that there is also so much other stuff, typically fixations with how people perceive us, how to get more of the things that we think will make us happy, and with keeping our weight down or moving on from an abusive relationship and Toxic Friends. So the real issue is how do we gently stop being who we aren't? How do we relieve ourselves of the false fronts of people-pleasing and affectation, the obsessive need for power and security, the backpack of old pain.
Here's how I found myself: mess, failure, mistakes, disappointments, and extensive reading; limbo, indecision, setbacks, addiction, public embarrassment, and endless conversations with my best women friends; the loss of people without whom I could not live, dizzying betrayals but much greater loyalty, and overall, choosing as my motto - an old proverb; ‘A rolling Stone Does Gather Moss’.
You have to make mistakes to find out who you aren't. You take the action, and the insight follows: You don't think your way into becoming yourself.
I can't tell you what your next action will be, but mine involved a full stop. I had to stop living unconsciously, as if I had all the time in the world. The love and good and the wild and the peace and creation that are you will reveal themselves, but it is harder when they have to catch up to you in roadrunner mode. So one day I did stop. I began consciously to break the rules I learned in childhood: I wasted more time, as a radical act. I stared off into space more, into the middle distance, like a cat. This is when I have my best ideas, my deepest insights.
Every single day I try to figure out something I no longer agree to do. You get to change your mind—your parents may have accidentally forgotten to mention this to you. I cross one thing off the list of projects I mean to get done that day. I don't know all that many things that are positively true, but I do know two things for sure: first of all that every woman should learn to say NO. No is a complete sentence. I also know how to Load Shed. (Remember my article on Load Shedding?) Getting rid of the following
· Individuals who add zero value in my life
· Toxic and Needy Family and Friends
· Man who cannot comprehend my intelligence
· Fake and Plastic Smiles (Especially from Colleagues/Employees at work)
· Laziness and procrastination
Obviously, it is in many people's best interest for you not to find yourself, but it only matters that it is in yours—and your back's—and the whole world's, to proceed.
Ladies and Gents - Please share your Experience - How did you discover who you are!
Masithokoze Moyo