Our body language, as most of us now know, has a very important role to play in our self-expression, and consequently, our ability to create an impression.  Even before we’ve uttered a word, our  appearance, our gait, our gestures and our posture has already spoken volumes.  And what of our face – that all-revealing part of our anatomy that we’re probably least familiar with?  

The problem with our faces is that we live behind them.  We can’t see them when they’re in action.  And so we don’t really know what they are doing half the time. 

More often than not, our facial expressions are unintentional – we’ve learned them in our childhood from our family and caregivers who wore them unawares too. They reflect the unconscious attitudes that were the mode in which our families survived the highs and lows of life.  Without realising it and especially when we’re scared, bored, cynical or anxious, we can slip into an unconscious ‘family’ face and ignite facial expressions that give the wrong impression.  This is dangerous because you may think your face is saying ‘This is fascinating, I am so interested’, when actually it is saying, ‘Boring! I am tired of you, please go away’.  You may think you’re striking a confident expression when walking in to a room full of strangers, but the expression on your face might be saying, ‘I’m totally overwhelmed. Where is the nearest exit?’.

Here is an exercise to try; As you’re reading this article, develop an impression on your face that you think says, ‘I am excited. This is wow!’  Get that impression firmly on your face.  Now freeze it.  Hold that impression just like that.  Now walk over to a mirror and look.  Take a good look at the mouth, the nose, the eyebrows, the forehead.  Are they expressing the enthusiasm you had hoped?  Would you be impressed if you were looking at or talking to a face like that?  Ask your friend or colleague what impression that face portrays.  Does the feedback align with the face?  If not, begin to change it.  And memorise the changes.

Think of not frowning or tightening. Don’t chew on your lips. Rigid nicey-nice and pasted-on-smiles are dull and inhibiting. Don’t be artificial. Try to look interested, open and respectful.  Use a video camera to practice your facial awareness and enhance your facial gestures.  It may seem like a lot of responsibility to place on a small area of your body but the reward will be a congruent message to the people around you.  Your face matters.  Teach it to work with you to echo authentically all of the good impressions that you are most wanting to create.    

This post is inspired by Nancy Kline, thinking environment coach and author of Time to Think: Listening to ignite the human mind.