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Forward Ever; Backward Never!

I am not particularly scientific, in fact I had to admit intellectual left-brain defeat and give up the subject after Standard 8. Nevertheless, I have an innate understanding of general scientific principles as they pertain to philosophy. One of those that I first intimately engaged as I was getting divorced was the principle of inertia. 

 

Besides embodying lethargy and inaction in the linguistic sense, this principle explains why we sometimes know what we need to do, but for several often “justifiable” reasons do not do so. In those instances certain patterns have become so entrenched in our thoughts, behaviours and habits as to prevent us from making adjustments, amendments or changes that will be beneficial to us.

 

I learnt the hard way how one can lose several quality years of potential progress while holding on to the illusion that you can keep doing the same thing, yet somehow produce different results. I was deeply unhappy with my daily life, career path and circumstances for five years, but momentum of the process I had begun kept me in a state of inertia that would not allow me to make the necessary changes.

 

I clung to the dream that saw me embark on that journey in the first place and even as I saw it become a nightmare I could not let go. My initial ignorance about what had “gone wrong” kept me in the cycle; it was soon followed by insecurity that developed from not knowing what a change of circumstances would hold for me; and then the final frontier was my pride – “I will not admit defeat, even if it kills me!”

 

Sadly, kill me it nearly did… I became clinically depressed and to cut the long story short, my inertia had to be replaced with a large dose of self-preservation. I made a drastic change of circumstance which included a change or marital status; a change of career and vocation; a change of friends and associates; and even a resultant change of demeanour! It was not easy as it felt as though the rug had been pulled out from under me. However, I found an ironic place of peace in all the uncertainty that ensued. I realised that I had done so much so differently that it was inevitable that I would reap an avalanche of different results.

 

All I can say since then is “Wow” ! I have now become a certified “change junkie”. I think I can only now thrive in a place of constant change, advancement and progress. I have become an enemy to inertia as it had robbed me of so much quality of life. Then, as you would expect with Murphy’s Law – 6 months into my new life, I received an irresistible, flattering, overwhelming offer to re-incorporate certain aspects of my former life into my current state. Once the afterglow of the proposition had faded, I was faced with a concrete decision: “Do I go back with the belief that things have somehow changed?”

 

The layman scientist in me quickly kicked in and reminded me of the quagmire of inertia that my former environment had trapped me in. It emphasised to me that I had changed significantly since then, but on close inspection, my former environment had remained the same. Therefore, with environmental and associative factors statistically being more powerful than the individual, I immediately knew what my decision should be:

 

Forward Ever…Backward Never!

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# re: Forward Ever; Backward Never! Hi Sarah

Mahatma Gandhi said: Be the change you want to see! It is always tempting to want to see other people change their behaviour, attitude and situation so that yours can change too. But the longer they take to change, the longer the pain and uncertainty lingers. Bravo! to you for realising that you were the one who had to change to effect a positive outcome in your life. Change is good but very difficult! Most of the time we are paralysed by fear and / or laziness hence we resist change. Unfortunately one day the rug gets pulled out from under us and we are forced to change.
Well done!

MOK
 
Posted by asidnam on 07 January 2009 @ 10:00AM
 
# re: Forward Ever; Backward Never! Hi Mandisa, so good to hear from you since that last time at the Real Magazine photo shoot. Trust you are well! You have aptly summarised my journey with that quote from Mahatma Gandhi. Indeed our greatest circle of influence is ourselves and then only can our circle of concern be touched too.
 
Posted by sarahs on 07 January 2009 @ 10:54AM
 
# re: Forward Ever; Backward Never! It is always funny how we think the situation will go away by itself without us making an effort of it. good one gil i am inspired
 
Posted by makoshe on 07 January 2009 @ 02:52PM
 
# re: Forward Ever; Backward Never! Hi Sarah

It is amazing how much we are scared of change. We always feel so comfortable in our situation even when we see things are not the way we would like them to be. We are soo preoccupied by fear that we are even afraid of our own potentials.
I stayed in one job that was not bringing me any fullfilment for 5 yrs and looking back i regret wasting that time. After i left i realised so many things about me. I took a stand and applied for higher posts. I never believed that i would manage 3 offices and develop my staff to help them realise their potentials. I really admire what you did. Unlike you i was forced to change and that was painful!
 
Posted by phenyo on 08 January 2009 @ 01:19PM
 
# re: Forward Ever; Backward Never! Hi Semoreeng. Congratulations on your recovery and your newfound ability to now empower others too! I can empathise with your feelings of regret of time wasted. I read somewhere recently that regret is actually a healthy emotion to co-exist with as it often prevents us from repeating the same destructive behaviour and tends to encourage in us action that produces better results.
 
Posted by sarahs on 08 January 2009 @ 02:24PM
 
# re: Forward Ever; Backward Never! Hey its me again-) being one's personal change agent relies on one really getting into deep and genuine conversations with oursleves. I think we dont have enough of those with ourselves- the term really "being real with oneself" at every level, really resonates with me and one im in constant pursuit of- we live in such a facade of life- even in our change- there is still so much facade. Its so sad that change has become superficial in our society- where change is done for the sake of changing and not really reflecting and pre-emting the implications of that change. thank you for communicating that through this piece.
 
Posted by nhlanhla01 on 20 January 2009 @ 01:34PM
 
# re: Forward Ever; Backward Never! You know Jezile...something I heard numerous times at church and which now clearly resonates after reading your input is: "Growing is changing". From this statement I gather that changing is actually an object of growth. Therefore meaning that change without the aim of growth is futile and as you have so aptly pointed out - a facade!
 
Posted by sarahs on 22 January 2009 @ 05:51AM
 
# re: Forward Ever; Backward Never! I must say that I am inspired by you ladies. I, on the other hand, am still on the journey of recovery, even though it's been a good 5 years of taking myself out of a toxic situation (abusive marriage). But one thing I have realised is that if you have not fully healed, the burden follows you around. Unfortunately my insecurities have spilled out to my 5 year old daughter (even though she was only 6 months when I left). But I'm glad to say that both of us are working at it and with the help of my parents we are discovering potentials that we never thought possible. I have gone back to doing things that make happy, like writing, socialising with friends who have my best interests at heart, and laso having conversations/interviews with myself. More stories like this need to be put out, as many of us ladies can relate. Self love is so important. I know it sounds like a cliche but: one should love herself/himself before they can love another person.
If you are negative about yourself, then you will only attract negative energy towards you. You won't even be able to see good things happening around you or to you. You will always think you are unworthy.
I'm trying to look back and say the time spent on my marriage and the time spend recovering were a journey to make me a stronger woman. I am ready to be happy, I am ready to be a good mother, I am ready to be the best I can be at work and I am ready to let the spirit guide me and direct me to my destiny!
 
Posted by feelastista on 19 February 2009 @ 11:18AM
 
# re: Forward Ever; Backward Never! As a life coach and having been twice divorced i can Fully relate to how you felt. change is difficult, but staying in the same place is death! to one's soul.
since my divorce i have made it my life purpose to help women who are in a similar situation to where i was.
I call my group Divorce Divas...whose soul:) purpose is to help women go through this life changing event and turn it into a POSITIVE lesson.
The Question will always be :
ARE YOU GOING THROUGH A CHANGE OR GROWING THROUGH A CHANGE!?
 
Posted by jodidayan on 21 February 2009 @ 12:51PM
 
# re: Forward Ever; Backward Never! Hi Nobathembu, I am so encouraged to hear your story and how determined you are to live your best life regardless of the setbacks you have suffered. I have been divorced for less than a year so far and I realise that the journey to healing will be an ongoing one and cannot be limited to some predetermined period. Its so good to hear that after 5 years, you are still dilligently cultivating the life you want to live!
 
Posted by sarahs on 25 February 2009 @ 01:21PM
 
# re: Forward Ever; Backward Never! Hi Jodi, I cannot resonate more with the name "Divorce Divas". Since committing to positive change and subsequently deciding to end an unhealthy marriage, I have felt invincible - like a real Diva!
 
Posted by sarahs on 25 February 2009 @ 01:27PM
 
# re: Forward Ever; Backward Never! Feeling invincible and making positive choices is what being a diva is all about!
And that is what we are here to do, make positive choices for ourselves and live our best LIFE!
I have met many women who come out of a life changing situation like divorce feeling like victims and are full of resentment and anger.
my passion is to help these people turn this experience around, see the gift, be able to say thank and goodbye with love and light!
Well done to you....it sounds like you have done that.
 
Posted by jodidayan on 25 February 2009 @ 04:18PM
 
# Thanx wow
its like u have met me i tlod me all the things i hve been doing wrong.
As i students n young woman i hve ben stuck in the state of inertia.

thanx i have had a gr8 wake up call
n this is the begining of the change in my life
 
Posted by phoebe on 25 March 2009 @ 04:52PM
 
# re: Forward Ever; Backward Never! You ladies are truly powerful beings! This is mind-blowing life-changing stuff!
 
Posted by maditshaba on 01 June 2009 @ 03:41PM
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