My sexless marriage

An anonymous DESTINY reader shares her story.

“My husband and I were both raised in religious homes and agreed that premarital sex was morally wrong. When he proposed, I looked forward to being a married woman and finally opening the door to sexual freedom. In my world view, all men love sex. The thought that my man wouldn’t never crossed my mind.

“On our week-long honeymoon, we both enjoyed the intimacy – until he rejected my advances on the last night. Little did I know that the previous six days would be the only ones in which we’d ever have so much intimate contact.

“We’ve now been married for seven years and our sex life has never improved. I’ve constantly spoken to him about this. I’ve tried to offer constructive suggestions, but there’ve also been times when I’ve been driven to insulting him, trying to make him understand that the lack of intimacy between us is killing our marriage – and my self-esteem.

“His response has always been that ‘things will get better’ – but they never do. His reasons for his lack of interest in sex have been everything from ‘it’s too cold’ to ‘you’re not sexy enough’.
“I finally realised that he was never going to change, so I asked him for a divorce because I refuse to find sexual satisfaction outside my marriage and I know I can’t survive another seven years of this lonely, sexless situation.

“He then admitted that he’s been addicted to masturbating since the age of 15. He said masturbating had become an unbreakable habit, but he’d never realised before how it was affecting our marriage. He claimed that now that he’d finally identified the root of the problem, things would be different. But they still aren’t.

“We’ve begun seeing a therapist to try to salvage our marriage. He still wants us to share responsibility for our lack of intimacy, which I struggle to understand. I believe you can only correct a problem once you recognise it, accept responsibility for it and commit to correcting it. In this case, the problem began purely with him. He’s still in denial. I’m hoping therapy will work, but if it doesn’t, I know I can’t stay in this marriage.”

To read the full version of this article go to page 110 of the July issue of DESTINY