“There is a high correlation between satisfaction with your relationship and frequency of sex,” explains Leandie Buys, relationship therapist and clinical sexologist. “If you never put in any effort, relationships become routine, the excitement dries up, and you lose the “honeymoon” feeling.”
If both of you are satisfied with the state of your sex life, great. But if one or both of you feel something is lacking, now’s the time to tackle the problem.
Tips to enrich your sexual relationship
Buys provides the following tips for maintaining a fulfilling sex life:
- Change your attitude towards sex and fall in love again:
Remember sex encourages health and intimacy. The human sex drive is strongly influenced by chemicals in our bodies that respond to messages in our brains. We’re not at the mercy of our hormones. We can regulate our sexual urges and responses by how we think about sex. The more sex you have the more sex you want. Sex is the ultimate libido arouser. If you desire a good sex life, change your attitude and think sexual thoughts, which may very well result in more sex and better general wellbeing.
- Focus on being sensual before being sexual:
To have a better sex life you need to learn to use your senses. Sex is a sensational experience, but you have to remind yourself not to dampen all the senses under the blankets. Relax, give yourself over to the smell of his aftershave, listen to his breathing, touch his body, taste his mouth and most importantly use your eyes to get stimulated. Do you remember how you used to snuggle up together and kiss while you were still dating? Do it again.
- Make spending quality time together and romance a priority:
Planning intimacy doesn’t ruin it. It ensures that it will take place. Why not bring in a rule of ’10 minutes of us time’, which means connecting for 10 minutes when getting home from work before continuing with the rest of your household chores. One of the biggest reasons for infidelity today is that couples don’t connect any more.
- Look sexy, feel sexy
Even if you’ve had a long day at work or have spent the whole afternoon cleaning up after the kids, you need to make yourself look sexy before you feel sexy. If your partner has planned a romantic evening for the two of you, make sure you get some ‘me’ time before going out. Pamper yourself with a relaxing bubble bath, wear something that emphasises your best features and put on some heels. Knowing that you look good will help you feel good, and feeling good will help you forget about the long day you’ve had so you can enjoy the rest of the evening.
- Be the initiator
Men will be much more obliging in the foreplay department if they know their partner really wants to have sex. Men often think that their partners are just humouring them, and want to get it over with as soon as possible. If you want your partner to be more intimate and put more effort into pleasuring you, be the initiator. Take charge and tell him exactly what you want, where and when. He will love the new ‘game’ and you will have the opportunity to teach him how to treat you in bed.