The book title really grabs your attention, and suggests that women should fight for men – something feminists wouldn’t be too happy about. What inspired it?
I was coaching two ladies at the same time and had no idea they were both competing for the same man. One was married to him and the other was his mistress. The husband was leaning in favour of the mistress, and the wife was intimidated by the whole situation and wouldn’t implement any of the seduction strategies I’d asked her to try.
I eventually felt that it was right to inform both of them that I was their coach, and I made a commitment to be fair to both parties and not to disclose anything more than what I’d told them. Initially, they both thought I’d choose a side and drop one of them. But I was in too deep and as someone who’s fascinated by how seduction concepts work, I wanted to see how the situation would eventually play out. So I figured that since there were both in the ring . . . may the best bit*h win!
Besides being this man’s wife or girlfriend, who were you before you met him? I’m all about reviving that woman he fell in love with
This sounds like a soapie script, how did the situation pan out?
The wife lost because she had a sense of entitlement. After all, this was her husband and she felt that she shouldn’t have to compete for him. I told her that her husband had already decided on her behalf that she’d have to compete for him with the mistress. The choice she had was to either stay and fight or leave. I always tell my clients that fear and laziness will not get you what you want – whether it’s a job or a man. While the wife was too scared to play the seduction game, the mistress on the other hand was hungry and willing to try anything. I could’ve kicked the mistress off my coaching programme, but how did we know that the husband would stop cheating. The issue wasn’t with the husband or the mistress. I wanted the wife to work on improving certain aspects of her character.
What are your top seduction tips?
I always tell women to work on themselves first and not to try to change their partners. Make sure that even if your man loses you, he regrets it. Do this through the way you carry yourself, the way you talk, the way you dream, the things you say, and the things you don’t say. Remember that seduction is all these notions about yourself that you plant in his head, so that when he’s out there seeing other women, he shouldn’t even consider stepping out on you.
When you advise women to “work on themselves”, do you mean at an emotional or physical level?
I’m currently working on another book called TOTS: Done Being Normal . The TOTS are the tools of transformation that I share with clients and club members. What I’ve also observed in the years that I’ve been teaching women the art of seduction is that my clients execute the strategies I share very well when I’m holding their hand, and as soon as the coaching ends, they drop the ball.
What I’ve also realised is that I’m taking a broken woman and helping her fix a broken relationship. Instead of working on the relationship, I’ve now realised the importance of fixing the woman and sending her back home as a changed person to see if her change will not influence her man to also change his behaviour. Sometimes women who’ve been treated as doormats come in and when I suggest that we first change them, the suggestion is quickly met by resistance.
The changes I speak of are really simple — go to the gym, have a hobby, read books, implement what you’ve read, dream big and so on. Besides being this man’s wife or girlfriend, who were you before you met him? I’m all about reviving that woman he fell in love with. And maybe you’ve changed. And now he’s stuck with this woman he doesn’t know and feels legally obligated to stay, but will look for excitement elsewhere. And this doesn’t mean that men are without their own flaws and don’t contribute to relationship issues.
If a husband cheats on his wife, wouldn’t an act of self-love on her part be to leave? How exactly do you define self-love because it’s quite a tricky concept?
I’m against people loving themselves when they are in dire distress. Self-love is something we should be practising anyway through either eating well, exercising regularly, surrounding ourselves with progressive women, taking ourselves out for dinner or whatever else tickles our fancy. But society doesn’t generally applaud self-loving women; often they are labelled as bitchy or full of themselves. Self-loving people don’t compromise themselves just so that others have good things to say about them. It’s in loving yourself that you teach others how to love you. There is a huge difference between self-sacrifice and self-love. The former is going all out to the point where you forget about yourself!
Instead of working on the relationship, I’ve now realised the importance of fixing the woman and sending her back home as a changed person to see if her change will not influence her man to also change his behaviour
Why is it important for women in relationships to read this book?
I tell women all the time that once your man starts cheating on you, competition begins. Don’t bury your head in the sand and say, “Uzobuya” or the empty promise that: “If he cheats on me once I’m going to dump him!”
Instead of walking away like you’d said you would, you cry and think your world is falling apart. May the Best Bitch Win will come in handy in such situations. I have a whole chapter on infidelity, where I speak about how women need to quickly snap out of it when they’ve been cheated on.
Instead of being stuck in victim mentality, take charge of your life! For instance, we want to discover who the other woman is and when we discover that she’s prettier than us, then we stop eating and cry all the time. Some women even go as far as wanting to speak to the mistress to find out what their husband saw in her. I always tell my clients that this is futile because by even acknowledging her, you’re taking your power and placing it in her hands. The book will help you prepare for such situations before they even happen. It will give you tips on how to avoid pushing your relationship to the point that you end up pushing your man to cheat on you. It will also teach you how to fight using my psychological seduction tips.
Is this the kind of book you should hide from your partner?
There’s nothing sinister in the book, so you’re welcome to read it in front of him. But when you do start seducing him, don’t announce it. Seduction is subtle – he should feel the change and not hear it
So who is Mandisa O Mahlobo, the woman behind all these seduction lessons?
After my own marriage collapsed, I decided not to play the blame game and researched what it was that made some marriages last decades while others don’t. I read up on the subject and had conversations with older women who were generous enough to share the things that kept their marriages intact – compromise, communication and the games they played so that their husbands would never figure them out!
I’ve been teaching women the art of sedution since 2006; that’s when I registered my company after realising that there was a need for such a service in the market. This wasn’t always a business. It started out as a hobby because I love talking. I used to enjoy having random conversations with women about the challenges that we face. I’d give them tips, they’d go back to their relationships to implement them and call me to say they were working. Just like that, word got around and people would recommend me to their friends and the cycle just wouldn’t stop.
Look out for Part 2 of our interview with Mandisa O. Mahlobo on Tuesday 17 November 2015.